Crew.Org Public Safety Service - Sharks

[Guest]

How to deal with Shark attacks this Summer.

 

1 - Don't swim in the Sea

More than 99% of shark attacks happen in large water masses, also known as Oceans. An easy way to tell if you are in a Ocean is to taste the water, it will taste like salt.

 

2 - Swim along side fat people

Make sure that there are always fat people in the water with you. Odds are that you can swim faster then them hence increasing your chances of escape.

 

3 - Sunblock

Replace the sunblock of the person next to you with BBQ Steak sauce.

 

4 - Don't go in the water without a knife

As soon as you spot a shark furiously stab the person next to you. As soon as he/she is bleeding profusely swim away as fast as you can.

 

5 - Listen carefully

Every shark has a theme song. If you hear the following, swim for your life: da-dam...da-dam...da-dam.

If it is fast like: dadam,dadam,dadam, give up you as are already screwed.

 

6 - Don't panic

Stay calm if a shark has got you. At this late stage you are screwed in any case, survival is knot an option. The people on the beach do knot appreciate someone screaming and shouting like a lunatic, it just isn't pleasant. Think of the children dammit!

[Guest]

how do you come up with this stuff KM. you have too much free time

[BelowPAR 0]

7. Read the Herald, you can guarantee that all near sightings will be recorded.

 

Infact at this time of year a shipment of grey nurse sharks (the list of more boring shark sharks would only include leopard and reef sharks) to Kelly Tarltons is front page news.

 

"Aucklands Jaws"

 

[wheels 543]

I have one question, one comment and one suggestion.

Question, 99% of all shark attacks are in the Sea. Where does the 1% occur?? Just so as I can make sure I don't go there either.

Comment, There are a couple of places around NZ that Sea Water does not have much of a Salty taste. They seem to be at the exits of Pipelines owned by certain Councils and can be easily identified by a Warning sign of no swimming and the Smell can be a real give away. Hmmmm, it could be argued there is still a Salty taste, but I wouldn't want to try and confirm that.

Suggestion, instead of BBQ sauce, I have found a very neat product available at most Fishing tackle supply shops. It is a Fish attractant. It is sold in 500ml Bottles and unlike fish oil, it does not have a nasty Fish smell. That tends to be helpful when said Fat Boy sits on beach smearing on "sun screen" and attracts the Local flock of Seagulls and a cloud of Blow Flies. Fat boy is not good for Body Gaurd work against Shark attack if he is eaten alive on the beach first.

[Guest Rocket]

And you will look better in the water if you swim with fat people

 

Have a cousin who waits for a fat person to waddle along before getting up and having a paddle - says it is very slimming...

[Fogg 427]

Based on Rocket's recent forum form I reckon the sharks would be scared of him!

[Grinna 2]

Have a cousin who waits for a fat person to waddle along before getting up and having a paddle - says it is very slimming...

 

That's a great theory, but its pretty depressing when you realise that when you get up and walk down the beach, half the population on the beach suddenly follow you with smug grins on their stoopid faces.

[wheels 543]

It is also depressing when someone comes running up to you, covers you in a wet blanket and tries to roll you to the water.

[rigger 47]

I have one question, one comment and one suggestion.

Question, 99% of all shark attacks are in the Sea. Where does the 1% occur?? Just so as I can make sure I don't go there either.

 

aquariums that have sharks

[Murky 1]

I have one question, one comment and one suggestion.

Question, 99% of all shark attacks are in the Sea. Where does the 1% occur?? Just so as I can make sure I don't go there either.

 

aquariums that have sharks

+ canal complexes on the Gold Coast.

[Deep Purple 512]

Infact at this time of year a shipment of grey nurse sharks (the list of more boring shark sharks would only include leopard and reef sharks) to Kelly Tarltons is front page news.

 

Oh yeah, If you're stuck in Auckland hosting rellies and thinking about taking them to KT's, make a call first. I took the kids there a few weeks back and the main pool was shut and boarded off, the travelway wasn't going, stingray bay had no stingrays. Of course the admission price was the same and there were no signs out front telling you half the sh*t was shut.

[wheels 543]

Same for us too SD. We were very disapointed. Plus they don't tell you what the Photo's are going to cost either. That's pricey and I can imagine Mum/Dads being petered into buying them when the Kids see them. It cost Dawn and I $100 for seeing only half the displays and getting the Photos.

I do have to say, the Penguin display is awesome.

But the main tunnel/tank had a few sharks and some King fish and that was about it. At least there were some rays and we did get to see them feeding.

Warning, don't ever waste your money going to the Penguin display at CHCH airport. Unless they now have actually got Penguins, real ones that is and not the genuine stuffed replicas they had. Man talk about disapointment. You pay as much as KT's to see stuffed Penguins. What a rip off.

[Guest]

I laughed when I read about the '2 years' of planning to move the Nurse sharks to NZ. What a joke - in 95 I was PM'ing a very large aquarium (6 x the size of Kellys) in Northern China.

 

Did the longest shipment of 6 x black tip reef sharks ever attempted which was a 59 hr flight (including layovers) between flights from Florida - New York - Bejing - Dalian in northern China.

 

It took about 3 faxes and a largish monetary tranfer and we were on our way - shows how risk management and project management has got out of control, as Nike say - Just do it.

[rigger 47]

Had a casual job a few years back cleaning carpets.

We had to clean the carpets at Kelly Tarltons, there was a strip of carpet alongside the travellator - Had a weird feeling of being watched - looked up and around I discovered I had a crowd of fish and sharks following me.

[Guest]

If you want to see penguins, fly/drive to Curio Bay in the Catlins and stand on the beach at dusk. The yellow eyed guys just come strolling out of the surf.

One of the rarest breed in the world unfortunately but the highlight of the trip.

We were watching one group and another walked right up to us as we were in it's regular path. Had to get out of it's way or it would go back to sea.

While waiting you can look at the petrified forest that makes up the rock shelf they climb out onto if it is low tide.

Wellington Harbour is full of little blues as well.

[Guest Rocket]

Ak harbour and Hauraki Gulf has heaps of little blues also..

[tuffyluffy 76]

Ak harbour and Hauraki Gulf has heaps of little blues also..

 

and they're great on the BBQ with a little cajun seasoning. Particularly good with a cheeky Central Otago Pinot

[Jon 360]

Ak harbour and Hauraki Gulf has heaps of little blues also..

 

and they're great on the BBQ with a little cajun seasoning. Particularly good with a cheeky Central Otago Pinot

 

The yellow or blue's

[tuffyluffy 76]

Ak harbour and Hauraki Gulf has heaps of little blues also..

 

and they're great on the BBQ with a little cajun seasoning. Particularly good with a cheeky Central Otago Pinot

 

The yellow or blue's

 

The blues. The yellow ones are quite rare and tend to be surrounded by Eco-hippies, tourists and DOC staff who dont appreciate them being bludgeoned/tenderised to death.

[Guest]

What?, objecting to the eco-hippies being bludgeoned or tenderised to death before being slowly barbequed and eaten with a good chianti? the little blues would love that!